I wish i hadn't popped my eyeball out!

Today, my eyes were especially itchy. This is not unusual in angeles city, which is one of the mid-sized town pollution centers of the world. While i was giving myself a vigorous eye rubbing, a disturbing thought crossed my mind--What if my eyeball popped out?

I've been told repeatedly during my lifetime (whether in reality or my imagination, i can't remember) that it is bad to rub your eyes. But it is one of those things that i do anyway, coz when you have an itch, you have to scratch it. But how many times have I done something that i know i shouldn't, usually to no ill effect, when suddenly the worst scenario happens?

Usually, i start wishing immediately for a replay on whatever i was doing. Though in a situation like that, wishing that you could go back in time won't help much. A quick search on google came up with this article from slate.com on how to handle an eyeball popping out emergency.

Here is what might happen to you if you rub your eyes too much.

Our Landscape Overhaul (part 1)

When i first moved to our house on apple street in October 2007, the yard was ok, but nothing too special. Buster and Turtle then began destroying anything that they could get their paws or mouths on. The dogs are finally (almost) growing out of their destructive phase, so I decided that it was time to perform a makeover on our lawn.

I still have a lot to learn about growing in a tropical environment. I was good with tropical plants back in the U.S., but here is a whole other ballgame. A neighbor suggested a woman who had done great work for him. I contacted Nancy and she began planning with me based on what i envisioned.

I prefer the wild, natural look much more than the tamed, manicured look. I started documenting the progress with photos. Here are a few sample from the back and side yard before views. I'll post updates as the work moves forward.

**click on photos for larger view

  

 

 

Buster and Turtle, almost grown up

Buster and Turtle turned 18 months old on March 19th. They will keep filling out for about 6 more months, but they are approaching full grown and maturity. We started a landscaping project since they are finally done eating bushes and trees and don't do much digging anymore.

Today we took them to the vet for their vaccinations. Turtle held steady at 37 kilograms (81 pounds), while Buster grew to 47 kilos (103 pounds). Over the next few months, they will grow wider in the face and chest and bulk up a bit more. I think that they will end up about 40 kilos and 50 kilos.

They are both very friendly and family oriented. They love the babies, but still knock them over and cover them with slobber when given the opportunity. Although they don't eat rocks like they used to, they can eat through solid bones pretty quickly. It used to take my dog Dante days or weeks to finish off a bone, these monsters manage it within an hour.

When he is on his hind legs and up on the fence to greet me, Buster is just a little taller than me, probably about 5'10". They fulfill their role as guardians well, no one goes near the gate or yard once they see the dogs. Rottweilers are tacklers instead of biters, though i wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of a bite. Last week, Buster sent me flying when he tried to get me to play with him after work.

Because Buster is so big, I often forget that turtle is pretty big in her own right. She is also the more aggressive of the two. They are especially nice to have on my late night walks. Angeles is a pretty dangerous place to walk at night, but there is little chance of a problem when the dogs walk with me.

Here are some photos taken on their birthday.

Buster using all of his will power to not jump on me.

Brother and Sister relaxing in the grass.  Best friends and worst enemies.

Turtle acting sweet.

Day One: Am I Happy Yet?

Well, it is still early, but day one of my project is off to an ok start. I realized as i woke up today that sleep needs to become a regular part of my life if i'm going to get anywhere. But, the problem is that i need a few extra hours in the day. A good rest would make the hours that i do have more productive, i suppose. Maybe it is a carryover from childhood, but i really don't like going to bed.

So, i started out tired and not in much of a mood for happiness. It got better. My students were a little sluggish, but once i pushed them a bit, they made some real progress. That is my favorite part of teaching, when you push someone to a new level. Coaxing isn't quite as satisfying. For teens and pre-teens, push is necessary under my philosophy. Everyone likes to get pushed as long as the person pushing them cares about them. So, with some progress by my kids, the day looked up.

During the last period of the day i had a meeting with the school board president and signed an agreement for next year. This was a big huge relief, and changes things up a bit, mostly for the better. Since they gave me essentially all that i was asking for, I also agreed to restart my curriculum project, and take an extra class after school to help our sophomores prepare for their college entrance exams next year. The extra work doesn't feel like a burden since it is purposeful. That makes all the difference in the world. That word, purposeful, is the reason that i threw myself into debt and took a huge pay cut for a career change. With purpose somewhat restored, things looked a lot rosier than in previous months.

The problem with this change is that it was external. I didn't do it, it was done to me. It could have just as easily been a change for the worse (that sound is me knocking on wood). But it wasn't, so i'll gratefully take the good fortune and run with it.

A recent post on Gretchen's Happiness Blog discussed how if you act happy, then your mind will follow. I know there is something to it, but i've got a long way to go on this one. The key i think is to be able to discern between a forced chirpiness, and a genuine state of being happy. I'm willing to give some things a shot, even if they seem outside of my nature. Something has to give here.

As i read myself while typing, i'm wondering where all of this is coming from. I think that i've been having a mid life crisis since i was in my mid-30s. If i'm fortunate, i'm half way through life. That is a sobering thought, because i have more than half of the things i'd like to accomplish still on my list. It is interesting to hear young people, and remember myself, talking about what they thought was old. To a teenager, 30 is pushing the border of the final frontier.

When my parents were my age now, I was 14 years old. It took me many years past 14 to realize that my parents were actually human beings who had once been children, teenagers, and young adults. There aren't many models out there for lives well lived past 40. I mean when you are young, everything seems full of potential. Now the decisions become more urgent, but also need to be made a lot more carefully than someone who has invincibility on their side. Or maybe not.

   

this brings me happiness

my happiness project

I recently came across a blog by Gretchen Rubin called The Happiness Project. She gives a brief overview of her project:

I'm working on a book, THE HAPPINESS PROJECT--a memoir about the year I spent test-driving every principle, tip, theory, and scientific study I could find, whether from Aristotle or St. Therese or Martin Seligman or Oprah. THE HAPPINESS PROJECT will gather these rules for living and report on what works and what doesn’t. On this daily blog, I recount some of my adventures and insights as I grapple with the challenge of being happier. THE HAPPINESS PROJECT will hit the shelves in late 2009 (HarperCollins).

There are portions of her blog on Slate.com. I resisted looking at it for a long time because i thought that it would be just another self-help batch of nonsense. I read a bit and started reading more. I've gotten a bit hooked, and i'm going to try to start my own happiness project. But, i think that i'll call mine Getting My Shit Together. Same difference to me.

A while back, i wrote that one of my many projects that hasn't made it past the idea stage was to collect as many memories as i can from each summer. The more that I put events together, the more that will come back to me. Since summer is often my best time of the year, I would get a nice reminder of what i've done with my life. As it is, my memories seem to be fading fast.

While I lived in Colorado and beyond, i got into a lot of things that a kid from the south side of Chicago doesn't really get exposed to at home. Like yoga, massage, rolfing, different religions, mysticism, alternative lifestyles in general, and girls (ok, that one was available at home). In the end, i got something out of all of them, but i don't know that i can view progress as linear as opposed to a spiral zigzag. After all of it, I still kind of favor a form of existentialism that says, "you've got one shot, what are you going to do with it?"

While the last year has been full of miracles and blessings, i haven't been so happy. My work and home life have often left me exasperated. My personal choices less than stellar. In general, happiness pretty low. Yet it feels like turning it around could be as simple as turning on a light switch. But I sit in the dark anyway.

Well, i'm going to try to follow along with some of Gretchen's's ideas, and explore some others on my own. It is a new month, and as good a time as any for a new beginning. For starters, i'm going to work on getting this body back...

summer of 1980, 15 years old

Looks certainly aren't everything, but i'm kidding myself if i think that i wouldn't be happier if i was able to pull that off again.